Become the leader you are

I recently had the opportunity to make a micro-presentation on my coaching approach to a group of internationally-based leaders. One of the points I emphasised was my belief that we all deliver our best by being who we are – and for most of us that means learning how to become who we are.

My belief comes from long experience of working with leaders who struggle to meet the models that other people expect them to conform to, and who feel liberated when they experience the ease – and for many, a personal peace – that comes with accepting and embracing that they are who they are. They invariably experience a parallel energy, even exhilaration, and a focus that mean that they leverage their strengths with courage and assertiveness, communicate powerfully on what matters to them, and – fascinatingly – empower their teams to deliver authentically on the vision they’ve communicated.

Leaders who could deliver more

After my presentation a member of the audience approached me, saying she’d been moved by what I’d said, and asking if I could let her have any material from which she could learn more about the topic. Something about her reminded me of leaders I’ve coached in the past who felt stuck, or daunted, or anxious about the leadership agenda facing them. People who knew they had the potential to deliver more as leaders, but didn’t know how: they just knew that another training course wasn’t going to be enough.

The link between authenticity and leadership

As tiny children we all occupy our authentic selves: we say what we mean, we follow the directions in which our interests take us, we accept our mistakes as part of everyday life without judging ourselves to be lacking or failing in some respect, and we get excited and joyful. We have an instinctive sense of self-care.

As we grow, we tend to take more and more account of other people’s judgments. Sometimes we can allow what matters to us most fundamentally to be clouded, so that our own values are compromised.

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We can lose our joy in life and work in the interests of serving a family agenda, a school agenda or an organisational agenda. And we can get out of touch with the meaning of our lives and the place of work in them. Our communication may lack power because it lacks integrity. Some of us lose touch with self-care.

The more we are playing a role, the less compelling our communications, and the less inspiring we are before. We become more preoccupied with the appearance than with the reality of who we are and how we lead.

The quality of authentic leadership

Authentic leadership isn’t easy to achieve, given the need to constantly balance the tension between organisational imperatives and personal drivers and values. However, it is achievable, given a preparedness for reflection and an exploration of what’s really going on.

My hope for the leader who approached me is that she will set out on a journey of discovery that will lead her to see, understand, accept, and engage with what matters to her, what drives and energises her, and what and who inspire her. In beginning and sustaining this journey she is likely to become the best leader she can be. She will engage others in her vision and her integrity, and she will inspire her team, and their teams, to be the best they can be too.

Practical pointers

• At the end of every working day, take five minutes to write down:
• two occasions when you haven’t said what you really mean
• the emotional reason behind what you did say
• the outcomes you achieved by saying what you said
• At the end of every Friday afternoon write down:
• your moments of feeling high and feeling low during the week
• whose opinion has influenced your behaviour to the extent that you’ve compromised on what you believe to be important

I hope you found these practical pointers helpful. Please feel free to share it with your friends and colleagues. If you would like to further develop your leadership skills take a look at “Become the leader you are” by Lindsay Wittenberg at bookboon.com. You might also want to check out this article about “Management vs. Leadership”.

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