7 tips on writing a memoir

People often think writing a memoir must be easier than writing a novel because one doesn’t have to “invent” the scenes and stories. Unfortunately, it is quite the opposite. The writer has to go deep into his or her own psyche and mine both good and bad memories, and re-experience often what is very difficult to bring to consciousness. The more probing and truthful the author, the better the memoir.  Here are some guidelines to help you if you take on this rewarding and often magical task:

1. Memory is often illusion anyway.

I remember a writing teacher once saying that a memoir starts off as 100% true, but ends up being 20% true. This is because our memories are inventive in themselves and what you remember of an event may not be what the person who was there next to you does. So your own creativity and vision and emotions are working together to create this memoir. You cannot lie about events – i.e. you were in prison when you were not, etc… but you will find that when you show your memoir to your cousin, he or she will say, “Really? It wasn’t like that at all.”  In other words, your memoir is YOUR memoir and your memoir alone.  It is how you experienced the events.

2. Outline the story so it flows toward where you changed or grew.

A memoir is like a novel in that it is a narrative and you have to drive toward the events that change/awaken your character.  You can’t meander. You have to build the plot of your own life. And stay close to the events that are dramatic and life changing.

3. Don’t tell us what happened, show it.

In other words, write in scenes with dialogue. Don’t say I went to Winchester. Instead, draw scenes of the classes, the eccentric professor you had, the boys who amused or opened your mind to new potentialities that you may have eventually lived out. Memoirs are boring if the author is simply saying, And this happened, then that. Make each chapter a series of scenes so the reader EXPERIENCES your memoir with you.

4. If you cry and laugh while writing, so will the reader when reading.

This is a famous maxim of Hemingway’s. And it is true. If you are passionate about the scenes, if you let yourself feel those moments with all of yourself, then the reader will feel the same urgency and joy or pain in reading.

5. Your mind will see scenes easily. The reader needs help.

Your mind will instantly recapture how the room or the scenes looked, how the characters dressed and wore their hair, but the reader won’t have that luxury unless you are very clear in description. Take the time to set up the scenes and describe your characters. You don’t have to write reams on this but just be very acute and perceptive about the world you are creating.

6. Everybody has lived a life. A memoir is a story told in style.

You must have a style in your story telling. If you are good at dialogue, let us hear your characters. If you are insightful about the foibles and mistakes you and your characters make, give us some insights.  Cocteau said, and here I paraphrase, your weaknesses as a writer is your style. He means don’t write like someone else. Be honest on the page and if you lean toward a certain tone, go with it. Make it yours. Be original if possible. Read other memoirs and emulate what you like and leave out what you don’t.

7. Be patient as you write.

Your memory and unconscious will begin giving you additional scenes once you begin. Work daily and then you will start remembering more. A memoir must be written in many drafts since, once you start, the unexpected will be revealed to you. So know that your first draft is the underpainting, and as you keep remembering, the unconscious will feed you more important scenes. Often what is most important will come to you later, rather than sooner. Be patient with the process and ENJOY the learning of the craft and the learning of the truth of your own story.

About the author: Gay Walley has published 2 novels, “Strings Attached” and “The Erotic Fire of the Unattainable”, currently becoming a movie. Her play, “Love Genius and a Walk”, is scheduled for Off Broadway 2015. Two more books, “Duet” and “Lost in Montreal” came out in 2014. She teaches writing in New York. Read her eBooks “How to write your first novel” and “The smart guide to business writing” on Bookboon.