Social Confidence – 6 tips on how to make new friends

Business isn’t all about work…sounds strange, but the social aspect is also of the utmost importance. It is essential to create bonds with “people”, not just “business people”. How? By developing your social confidence! Social confidence is the application of assertive ways of behaving to situations outside work. One of the most important uses of social confidence is in meeting new people and becoming friends. Here are some of the assertive ways to do it.

Conversational Openers

If you want to strike up a conversation with someone you don’t know, perhaps at a social function, the best starting point is to talk about their number one subject, them. Your first question should not be too open that they don’t know where to start, nor too closed that you don’t get much free information in their reply. A good format to use is the statement-plus-question format, as in “You look new here. Can I help you?”

Keeping a Conversation Going

The best conversation openers are those which open up a flow of information. They should not be too open that people don’t know how to reply: e.g. “How’s things?”; nor too difficult for an easy reply: e.g.: “What are you hoping to gain from this course, then?”. If someone is willing to keep a conversation going with you, you’ll get some free information from them that you should pick up on. For example:

You: “I see from your name tag that you work for a charity. Are you based here?”

Them: “No, I’m based in London. But I’m abroad a lot.”

You: “That must be interesting. What countries?”

Active Listening

The technique of listening for “free information”, picking up on it, and then moving a conversation on with it shows that you are listening actively to others. When you listen actively and with empathy, you immediately make yourself more attractive to others. A conversation then becomes a sort of dance, with one person leading and the other one following.

Positive Feedback

Once you’ve entered into conversation with someone, the exchange can move up a gear if you give positive feedback to the other person. The trick is to do it without flattery or pretence. This can be a comment from you about something that the other person tells you by way of free information. When you comment positively, you are seen as sympathetic, understanding, and likeable.

One of the most characteristic features of assertive people is their willingness to say something positive about others without expecting something in return. There are a number of benefits that come from giving others positive feedback. First, the compliment acts as a reward. So, the more you let others know what you like, the more you’ll get it in future. Secondly, when you express how you feel, others are more likely to open up to you. Finally, giving praise creates a climate in which people can learn about themselves.

Presenting Yourself

To be more attractive, learn some tricks of self-presentation. First, be specific about yourself. Not, “I’m a technician” but “I’ve just started at the hospital as a technician”. Second, don’t paint a perfect picture of yourself, add a few flaws. Not, “I was top of my year” but “I didn’t do too well at first but then I had a great teacher who helped me get a first”. Third, paint word pictures to describe your feelings. Not, “I was nervous” but “My knees were knocking”.

Avoiding Controversy

The sure-fire way to kill a new friendship dead is to take opposite sides on a controversial topic. If the conversation turns to a controversial issue, don’t take a stand until you hear the other person’s point of view. In reply, put both sides of the case and you’ll sound fair and wise. Later on, when they know you better, you can share your own point of view.

6 Tips on how to make new friends

1. Social assertiveness helps us make contact with others and build mutually advantageous relationships.
2. The best way to progress when you meet someone new is to ask them about themselves.
3. The best conversation openers are those that open up a flow of information about someone else.
4. The way to keep a conversation going with someone new is to pick up on the free snippets of information they let slip.
5. When you are positive towards others, you come across as sympathetic and likeable.
6. When we follow feedback with a question, we take the sting out of criticism and the embarrassment out of praise.