Listening Skills – Are you Empathetic and Concrete?

The foundation of every well-balanced and effective conversation is the ability to listen. In order to achieve real and open communication both parties need to effectively reflect back the feelings of the other person. This skill is called empathy and is one of 4 essential skills good listeners and communicators need. Let’s take a look at these 4 master communication skills in more detail.

Empathy

Definition – ‘the power or state of imagining oneself to be in another person’s position and so of sharing his or her ideas and feelings’.

Empathy is one of the most powerful communication skills we can use. It is a key skill when dealing with complaints, managing conflict and conducting successful negotiations.

To show empathy we need to effectively reflect back the feelings the speaker is articulating. This important skill enables us to build an effective rapport even in difficult circumstances – with angry customers, negotiating partners, distressed employees – in fact, any circumstance that requires delicate handling.

Empathy works because it demonstrates that we really are listening and understanding how the individual is feeling.

Warmth

Other words for this trait are:

• ‘unconditional positive regard’, and

• ‘acceptance’.

Begin the relationship by indicating to them that you accept them without pre-conditions.

Remember:

• A person has come to you for guidance

• In order to be helped they need to know that you understand how they think and feel

• They also need to know that, whatever your own feelings about who or what they are, or have done, you accept them as they are – you accept their right to make their own decision

• In the light of this knowledge about your acceptance and understanding of them, they will begin to open themselves to the possibility of change and development

• Warmth is a frame of mind, not a practical skill

Genuineness

Another description is authenticity.

The simplest way of thinking about genuineness is to regard it as open communication. Instead of someone trying to guess what you really mean, or trying to decode the differences between what you say and the image your body is communicating, there is a directness and openness about the way you communicate.

You are not presenting an image of being the “Super-Listener”; you are being yourself, exactly as you feel at that moment in time.

What is more, you are encouraging the person to reciprocate in a similar manner. You encourage them not to: pretend, deny, hide from reality and conceal their true thoughts and feelings.

Ways of improving genuineness:

• Develop the ability to describe yourself – pay particular attention to changes in your mood, your relationships with others, and your strengths and weaknesses develop your ability to describe yourself to others – practice self-disclosure

• Read books about personal psychology and examine your own thinking, feeling, and behaviours in the light of this.

• Try to predict your own behaviour – see just how good a judge of your own character and reactions you are and examine why it is that you sometimes react in ways which you did not intend.

Concreteness

Concreteness is where the Listener seeks to ensure that the Individual is being specific about the meaning they attach to the terms they use to express ideas, images, thoughts or feelings and that their description of events is accurate.

Being concrete requires you to ensure that the Individual is conveying the exact meaning of the situation, which they are experiencing, and their reactions to it.

It involves you asking questions such as:

• ‘…could you tell me what do you mean by …?

• ‘…how do others react to you when you say you are feeling this way?’

• ‘…how do you feel?’ ‘..fine’.. ‘…could you tell me what you mean by fine? or repeat ‘fine’…..

A failure to engage someone in this concrete way implies that you are willing to guess that the terms used by them mean the same to both of you. Experience suggests that this is rarely the case.

You can find more helpful tips on how to communicate effectively in the free eBook “Essential Communication Secrets” written by Carole Spiers Group.

Download the free eBook “Essential Communication Secrets“